So the NIN-Queens.etc. concert was sweet and wholesome and kind. Best NIN song was "Deep" to be certain; "hands-down," if you will. You know what was even better than that? A couple minutes of Rich Franklin vs. Nate Quarry UFC-style. Rich fucking rocked him, which was awesome. Awesome to the Maxxx. I'd never seen Rich fight before, so I'd been rooting for Nate me-self. What can ya do!

Downloaded Rammstein and SOAD today. Songs keep the mind off idle hands?

So this fucking dork at work has been pissing me off since he got there (he stole my forklift too :<.) It should be okdk though since WORD ON THE STREET via exactly one honcho snitch=informant whispers "he has a week." Just... wtf. Ignorant piece of shit with his uber-hip ipod nanotechno bastard.

Also, I want an X360. Yo.

It is exactly 6 days to NIN-Queens of the Stoneage concert, followed 2 days thereafter by UFC at "exactly" 10 on paper vieu--which is of course purposely misspelled, plz--WHICH will be locally viewed upon by the nameless myriads at a bar of sorts. My pseudonym shall provide me an edge their silhouettes shan't undull. All will be merry.

Ad interim, I was recently employed as a pretty penny collector FOR HIRE. Today--and by today I do mean yesterday--the council of Elders found me worthy to train at the heel of a honcho in the art of forklifting. A forklift never needs to alter it's direction, life-wise.

It's funny because looking back on it all, I started this journal by expressing something factual and readable (I am aware that there's nothing amusing herein.) S'pose I just felt like kickin' it up a notch. BAM

Also, RejectionGirl sipped herself some laced Red Bull last night. Some people just aren't paranoid enough. Drugs'll fix 'er. Friends don't let friends take drinks from friends with smirks who recently offerred ecstasy. Naturally, the offer was... REJECTED! Spoon! Concordantly, she was all fucked up at the bar and enjoyed touching things. Brains are nice but minds are better, methinks.

She was probably lucky she injested something resembling MDMA, for ecstasy rarely is. I wasn't there btw; dishpupil called earlier.

Meh.

"My hump. My hump, my hump my hump. My hump, my hump, my hump. My hump, my hump, my hump. My lovely lady lumps. My lovely lady lumps. My lovely lady lumps--in the back and in the front."

Poor girl. They always dancin' next to her.

My search for nothingness is a faltering path indeed. The problem is that I still think there is something to find. Better, the problem is that I still think there is something to compare against itself.

Why am I seeking? A better question than I thought. The best answer I could come up with is that I search for truth. More and more I discover the illusions I created for myself, but reminders are not enough. Insatiable hunger to understand, but flawed thoughts in practice. I would see myself a leader of men when I am more blind than they.

Mere knowledge: The "empirical self that observes itself" cannot be destroyed as easily as we created it, simply because we've been fooled.

Perhaps as we grew we set up a judge for ourselves: an administrator. That in us which could attempt commands at the self - restrain us in our actions and behavior - so that never again my we err in our ways. The mistakes which molded that which we decided we were. How naive and fearful we can be.

Egos will not be defeated. To think you are capable of such is to remain under its spell. It will simply vanish when you are self-aware. There is indeed a difference between self-awareness and self-consciousness.

But this was not enough. All I know now is that I've forgotten what it is I sought all this time, and that this is a step in the right direction. There is a great illusion there, and the truth lies in the mirror. Never before this journal did I have any idea what this mirror was or what he meant by it.



"The three faults:
1. The invention of an empirical self that observes itself
2. Viewing one's thought as a kind of object or possession, situating it in a seperate, isolated 'part of itself' -- 'I have' a mind.
3. The striving to wipe the mirror.

This clinging and possessive ego-consciousness, seeking to affirm itself in 'liberation,' craftily tries to outwit reality by rejecting the thoughts it 'possesses' and emptying the mirror of the mind, which it also 'possesses' -- emptiness itself is regarded as a possession and an 'attainment.'

There is no enlightenment to be attained and no subject to attain it." - Bruce Lee

Perhaps not as profound to others as to myself. I felt the need to reproduce it here, if only for my own ends.

...Russia's greatest lovemachine! Fuck I love songs that have clapping in them. You bet your ass I clap along.

d-Day:

I picked up a refill of my oh-so-favorite drug, so today will be like all the other days like it: a good one. Especially so since my personal slutmuffin/gf ("Flirty girl") is more than willing to trade herself for it when she gets back from school. Ah, the life of a john is good.

Philosophy Guy will be making an appearance as well, whenever he wakes up from his hangover. A day like today is one of the few days I'll wake up to sunlight and he won't. Taoist, almost.

I'm currently listening to "Queens of the Stoneage - Little Sister." A good song to be sure, but the content would be less discontenting if they didn't look like such white trash in the video. Sometimes it just rings a little too true, is all :>

Another pic of Rejection and Flirty. Terrible quality, but what can ya do. Zoomed.

" I hope and pray that one day I'll wake up and everything up until now will have been a dream, a fantasy that I can act upon, a vision that will change the past I know." - Philosophy Guy

I've been up for a tiny while now. I never realized how much fun powernaps could be, until they became forced upon me. I seem somehow incapable of sleeping for longer than half an hour or so. Crackheads should sleep more often - Their brains might actually respond!

So what can a guy do when he's bored out of his fucking mind and his body repeatedly fails to initiate an unsegmented rest period? Download some fucking depeche mode and eat stirfry, that's the fuck what.

Somehow this "Depeche Mode" eluded me all this time, and I haven't been this upbeat over downloading music since I started using WinMX. My favorites so far (of the three songs I've downloaded) are some sort of "personal jesus" remix and "enjoy the silence." Where did manson go wrong?

And more good news! I'd been thinking about what I could write on ESR - been a while now - and in the midst of all my potential pseudo-cleverness I gave up and actually visited the site.

As it turns out, brandon lives! This is most good news. Reading of his timely undemise while listening to this precious music nearly brings a tear to my eye. Being the homophobe I am, I can't just say something like that without straightening myself out a bit, so a semi-lesbian pose is sure to be posted.

"Rejection" is on top; "Flirty" on the bottom. It's as naked as I could get them.

Call me an idiot, but I recently discovered I was "misanthropic." Just another characteristic I occassionally have in common with the late Adolf Hitler, along with amphetamine addiction and a rather lame tendency to keep a journal and insist children read it.

Today I was afflicted with a sickness of some sort. The tenseness of my neck would seem to indicate an affliction of the meninges, while my sore throat and headache serve simply to piss me off. As a result, I was too lazy to shower. A catroptic glance 180' from the fore reveals my hair has adopted a cheap mohawk-like look about it, while my facial hair has grown into a lovely mexican goatee. White trash, overall, and good times nonetheless.

Oh, and after playing Fable for an hour I've decided I need an xbox.

Ciao

and such... I mean, c'mon, we can't imprison EVERY psychotic anti-Semite that wants to live in a giant rook... *shify eyes*

In other news, Rejection- and Flirty Girl left for Victoria yesterday, while Philosophy Guy just got back from thereabouts on the same day. I swear to god I could rant some giant conspiracy about people going to West BC (particularly Vic--center of the hive) but I won't! I'll just casually note that I know far too many people that are going there, or have been there already this summer. That's all, really! It's not like instinctive goose-esque behavior in any way. yup.

So I know some parents that are on vacation, and instead of typical mini-golf and newspaper-reading times, they decided to bake up some mushroom&marijuana-filled chocolates. Now that's a party! I'm all for hallucinogens, but MJ gives me anxiety attacks.

So my sister bought a dog. It's a 4-month old Doberman Pinscher. First of all, I say all dobermans should have their ears clipped. "But OOOOOOOH, it's mean to the dog!" FFS, it already has its tail chopped off. Then she named it "Zayta" or something--named after some city in Iraq--and is planning to teach it Finnish commands. Who teaches a dog Finnish? Stupid whore. If I had a doberman, 1) I'd name it Tier, 2) I'd teach it GERMAN commands, and 3) I'd clip its fucking ears. What's the world coming to?

Over.