So give them to us!

^
I

plz give one

klz84@yahoo.com.br
nick e2-klz

thx

- Doctor, can I take a bath with diarrhea?
- Well, if you shit enough...

name: Javier Gonzalez
email: michael_s@linuxmail.org

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.

The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.

The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, "Why do you want one of those, son, you're not handicapped."The boy replied, "I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved.


Marko Tukiainen

marko7tukiainen@gmail.com

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back.


Gimme an invite! sam@blork.co.uk

Someone give him one.

One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says “Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you…”

Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.

The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.

Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says “Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!”

The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says “Surpise, its me the Hippie!”

The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says “Surprise, its me the bus driver!”


Thewhoareyou99@hotmail.com

haha

nasty :)

epic reveal, goddam that crying game

If you still want one give me a non-hotmail address till tomorrow.

pregnant woman at the bakery: im getting a bread
bakersman: not my fault....

crav [at] arcor [dot] de

a man comes into a bakery get a bread eats it, vomits it out again and smears it under his arms.
the baker ask "Why did you do that?"
he answers "Jesus told us to break the bread and distribute it to the poor!"


moral of the story: DON'T TRANSLATE LANGUAGE BASED JOKES

laff

Canada.

The End.

'4 out of 5 people enjoy gang-rape'

John Faukner
zugzug@hushmail.com

Please... someone invite me

lolll

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

metal_drummer_4eva [AT] hotmail [DOT] com

Thanks!

H. I am playing quakeworld for 10 years now. I didn't play anything else since 1998. Tried to play Q2,Q3 but I always loved Q1. Now it's time to move forward as quakeworld players are slowly dying :) and there is less then few to play with. I wanted to join Quake Live beta but since I put my email addr 2 months ago and nothing is happening. If any of you has Quake Zero beta invite, please help me. Regards
[dc]fes+yn
fname: Jan
sname: kinkazu
email:kinkazu@poczta.fm
skill: highskilled bastard

Dedicated to Tourist:

You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything
You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you

You came along just like a song
And brightened my day
Who would have believed that you were part of a dream
Now it all seems light years away

And now you know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything
You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile

Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find
Well, I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me

And you see I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything
You see I feel glad when you're glad
I feel sad when you're sad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you


<3

thelawenforcer@hotmail.com

If you still want one give me a non-hotmail address till tomorrow.

Hi. I just got 2 more quake invites. + me and leave me a message with your name and stuff, first 2 people only. AND do not leave me a message if you have tried to get a ql invite before, i dont want some bastard getting 2 or more invites because he spammed to lots of people and the site.

stop spamming me

Invisible man walks into the doctors office. The Nurse goes to the doctor and say "Invisible man is here!" and the Doctor says: Sorry can't see him right now


Mads Juul

embah@postkasse.org

blue and runs through the forrest!

a squirrel in a sport suit!

this thread rocks, more jokes!

Three priests were holding a meeting. One of the items on the agenda was about the distribution of money collected during services and how that related to their pay.

The first priest said "I split the money into two piles on the basis of one for me and and one for God's work".

The second priest said "I feel a bit guilty to admit this, but in our church the salary is very low, so I split the money, two for me and and one for God's work".

The third priest assumed an expression of disgust and said "I don't know how you both live with yourselves. I put all the money in a sack. I throw it up into the air and shout 'God take what you want'. I only take what is left when the sack comes down again".

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A man says to his wife during sex, "Hey, I think I'm gonna come in your ear this time."

"Absolutely not!" mutters his wife "I may go deaf!"

The man says, "Impossible! I've been coming in your mouth for the past 10 years and you still don't shut the fuck up!"



---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day, a thug planned to do a bank robbery. It all went well, nobody did trouble whatsoever, he got the money and could walk out of the bank safely.

Next to the door, there was a man. The thug came to him and asked: "Hey, did you see me rob that bank?"

"Of course I did, you were pretty obvious there!" The thug took out his gun and shot him.

As he walked on, he came to a young lady and asked the same question, the lady said "Yes, of course" and got shot, too.

Then he saw an old couple on a bench, went to them and asked: "Well, what about you? Did you see me rob that bank?"

And the old man said "No, but my wife did..."


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck on the reef.

The only survivor was Hillary Clinton.

That evening, the man brought Hillary to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again..

He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Hillary and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Hillary batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said, 'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not a joke but I found my fathers porn collection and put all the files in his "Vacation Pictures" folder. =D

Danny Urrutia
durru7@gmail.com

I've got two more invites and the same request as in the topic to get them :)

how about this?

http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey...3c4717c90f

c'mon
plzplzplzplz^^

apocsai@googlemail.com

why is 6 scared of 7

because 7 8 9

ahahahahahaha

how do you stop a polish car?
you dont have too they dont move ;ddddd

What is blue, orange, pink, green, red and sits on my back porch?
My nigger, I can paint him any color I want

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

Why do niggers stink?
So blind people can hate them too.

What do nigger kids get for Christmas?
Your bike.

why do finns get a gun for their birthday?

So they can be funny once.

i think i deserve an invitation

Hi, heres my admission to get a quake live invite...my email is periodfour@gmail.com



I had just gotten out of the shower, dried my pale white body off, and wrapped my towel around me and was about to exit the bathroom when my towel attached itself onto to the handle. I went to walk out into the hall with out a towel on... My mom came out of my room with a laundry basket and started laughing. I looked at her and was puzzled, but then I felt a breeze and was like...shit.

i stand in awe before the great vast amount of obviousness.