Jam is still on probation, and I don't think Demi or xou are going to lighten up and I dont know who the other admins are. I've been a little depressed lately, and school is just getting tougher. I really want to quit Quake Live, there's just no reason to play anymore. I feel like maybe participating in QW or CPMA but I just dont know. No one can give me a really clear answer as to what place is going toward a better direction and has a brighter future. I really loved playing mindless amounts of QW FFA but I also became addicted to CPMA's clan arena, movement, instant weapon switching, and CTF. It's just sad. xou is ready to maybe give me the responsibility of doing the preview for DHW '11 I'm not sure if he wants me to like do the Part 1 and Part 2 thing that people do, but Im guessing he just wants to see if I could do a proper preview write up. I wonder if I have to format it the way he always does or if I can kind of free-form and do it the way I envision it, but make it look nice. I also don't know if Im going to have the attention span to do this, but I'm going to try, I actually kind of want to be an admin. The last good thing I did for the American community was sign up for a rumblepit and a CSN tournament that I didn't even play haha. And I'd idle those channels to support them, but it's just pointless now. Maybe I should support that pickup channel more, but I just don't find pickups all that fun too. Seems like clan arena makes me have the most fun and duel when I'm having a close duel and getting ridiculous shots/kills and pissing someone off. But, it's not so fun when I'm losing by a large margin or winning by a large margin. I kicked the habit of smoking, but as of yesterday, I've smoked half a pack, and today I lit one. I kind of find it sad how these little small soldiers kill so many strong looking guys, and cowboys. I just hope they won't kill me. I'm just going to finish this pack and then I'll throw the lighter out. I also am drinking dark coffee right now. I probably shouldn't be having so much caffine, and I seriously need to commit to going to the gym again. I was having SUCH good results... and I haven't gone in four days? No three. But it feels like four. I was able to flirt with a cute girl in my math class. I think she's spanish, and I'm really feeling like this could be the fuck I've been needing all week. I just need to keep pretending I'm interested/disinterested and distancing myself. I think I can do this. I will figure it out, I always do. Jamerio is still not off probation. Jamalz also. And tytyrl. It's funny. Guys like CoolOutAC, Jonesy, ray, and the gang, all aren't banned yet, and never get there stuff nuked when all they do is whine and cause chaos. The guys i listed above have actual things to say, and dont suck ass at the game. I also am a firm believer that Jamalz cheats, if he is Celestial, but I can't prove it. It's just a feeling. But that doesn't mean I hate him. Still... with how many people think I am Jamerio, I wouldn't be surprised if Jamalz wasn't Celestial and was just some guy pretending to be him maybe for laughs. But I think he is. And I think he cheats. But do I judge him? Fuck no! I used to cheat in games all the time four-six years ago, and I never got caught, okay... like two times, but the point is it really brought my skill up and taught me how to be a better player. And now I don't cheat. So it's okay. But with how bored I am getting of Quake Live, maybe I'll blatantly cheat and toggle against Celestial and Instin haha, and maybe the attention will not only shift towards me but them. Im going to finish this coffee and brush my teeth, cheers.

ray doesnt play Quake Live and doenst want to have a conversation. everybody loves raymond. I made the kids from Doom 2 rage tonight, and retired from my doom 2 career, maybe they'll appreciate me more now that Im gone. I really dont know where Im headed in life right now... shit is getting real. I ran pretty hard today, i feel restless / euphoria. its all good