So I might be moving to America in a couple of months, thought maybe some of you could give me some idea of what to expect:

1) I understand that all Americans are grossly overweight. Will I have trouble fitting in as someone who is healthy? Should I try to become obese before I leave?

2) I think all Americans are required to carry several firearms on them at all times - will this apply to me? Maybe I could get away with like a handgun and a grenade?

3) The internet tells me that all Americans are extremely stupid. Will I need to talk slowly and/or use simple words when interacting with them?

4) Coming from Europe, I'm not sure how I will react to all the Freedom. Any ideas on what to do with my new Liberty and Justice?

Thanks.