Sitting into the wee hours of the night, unable to sleep properly, posting this struck my mind out of nowhere, so here I am. Life isn't smooth, nothing to back up on in case things go bad, and with no certain future direction in my view, I feel....tired. Tired of it all. It can be unnerving to see how some others get things going easily, while here I am, more qualified than they will ever be and with informal field experiences, straining to help my father for the family's expenses.
Though earlier this year I decided to focus on myself more and do some things my way. It has some heated points, but the utter calmness that I am able to maintain at all times probably helped him see that I know what I am doing (even if I don't), and that there's always something positive at the end of trials as long as we are constantly determined.
During what was a grueling yet interesting period of time for me, I also met the one person who's actually added something to living; something I cannot describe. No one has ever meant as much as she does to me; nothing could ever be greater than what we have. Being with her has added more factors, but also more motivation to tackle them. The grace that her presence brings is drowning me, and I love every bit of it.

Random ramblings of an idle mind...
If anyone is reading this, pardon me for the above. Felt I needed to express some things in writing. Now, on to the material.

Ever since I got into multiplayer gaming, I have been very interested in the competitive side. Been following e-sport for quite a while now, and I always tried to do whatever I could to help it grow in my region. Also tried educating whoever I could, whenever I could, even included them in some form in my college presentations. It was always pleasing when I would manage to ignite that interest in someone.

Soon after I started university, I started a club and started gathering all sorts of gamers and introduced them to each other, and after some hassles managed to set-up tiny scale LANs within the campus that always had tournaments with prizes and pizza. Long story short, we grew a lot, managed to get a separate room that we could customise, including 10 about average computers that could run games like Q3/CS/WC3.

Not long after that it was decided that we should do something with the walls and make the room darker. We got some amateur art students to come over and we let them go free to add something trippy to the walls. The work was done with mixed fluorescent paints and the mounted UV tubes enhance the effect. Recently the room was in need of some maintenance, so I went back to it and took some quick snaps during work. They don't do any justice, although the room isn't back in awesome shape either.

http://i.imgur.com/bmHpd8C.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/wf5p8rj.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/pFaYOxh.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/LntqbHs.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/1eIw4ik.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/VSGdWn3.jpg

There was one part of the wall left out and no one was sure of what should go on it. I decided to use it for something special to myself: Quake 3 Arena. When I think about the depth and magic in this game, it still puts me in awe.
I showed the logo to a girl who was going to draw it out on the wall first, and I constantly bothered her till I got each angle and line as close to correct as possible. It's come out well in my opinion.

http://i.imgur.com/PiD5maj.jpg

There was a lot I could put in here, it can be inspiring and humbling. It made a difference here, it could somewhere else as well. But this text wall is already too long and I've rambled enough.

I do want to say this to anyone who actually read and came this far: nothing is ever too hard. Things can be difficult and exhausting, very difficult and exhausting, extremely difficult and exhausting; you get the idea. But no matter what, never ever give up. Whether you win or lose at the end does not have as much weight as we think it does. Focus, determination, patience...I could throw these words around (even though they are the core elements), but instead I will just say that if there is something you gotta do, major or minor, put your mind to it and fucking get up and do it. Always move forward like a flying wall, allow no rest till you reach where you want to reach.
Don't get involved with petty things, have a balance between (1) going with the flow, & (2) grabbing life by the horns. Build yourself and everything else will fall into place.

I don't even know why I'm posting this, and why anyone would bother reading it either. Weird impulse decision.

That's it for me.
-a
<3 S.