so some days ago i went to my psychiatrist and she prescripted me xanax (generic name alprazolam, benzodiazepine family, like valium or lexomil) to fix my major anxiety / social phobia i had approximately every 2 days and which was VERY annoying as i literally couldn't do anything than going to bed and trying to relax, i mean, i felt so anxious that even talking with someone of my family was stressful :-/

I take ~0.75mg whenever i see the anxiety coming. And guess what ? IT WORKS. After 20-30mn the med starts to take effect, and i feel much more calm and not anxious anymore. It's AMAZING :). And unlike alcohol or all that shit i don't feel stoned or anything, i can still behave normally :).

BUT

i figured out that playing quake on xanax is a bad idea, why ? Because you feel much more focused and you have the feeling you play better but in reality.... it's all placebo, you're just playing worst. It's not similar effect to alcohol or weed because you're still aware of everything and you can control yourself, but somehow, you still play much WORST :D.

So what do i do when i'm back home and i took xanax when i was outside ? I SLEEP. 1-3 hours of sleep and you're good to go again :). And ofc no hangover or all that crap.

So if you see me on a server doing 1-2k less damages than usual that's probably cause i'm on xanax xD.

And i'm not a drug addict, i mean i don't take xanax to feel good like i would do by drinking alcohol. I take xanax for my anxiety and it seems to work without side effects (just being a bit more sleepy and like i said playing worst at quake :D).

Also, besides xanax I take Zyprexa (olanzapine, antipsychotic) to fix my paranoia and a different form of anxiety than the one I fix with xanax. Also before taking zyprexa i had chronical insomnia, i literally couldn't sleep at night and then slept 6 hours in the daylight :(. But now all of this is from the past, i can sleep whenever i want to both at night or day :D, it's much much better :).
When i started to take zyprexa at the psychiatric hospital this med just killed me, i mean i couldn't do anything but sleep, it made me slow and sleepy, but after 4-5 years taking it i don't have this side effect anymore, so it s all good :). I feel better. And i can still play quake because i usually take zyprexa right before i go to sleep, so it s ok :). Maybe the med still makes me lose 2-3% lg :D, but i can live with it. I prefer feeling better and being a bit worst at quake than feeling shit all day and don't even have the motivation to play quake or go outside.
So yeah, just like xanax, this med works very well in my case :) and in the long term.

And finally i take zoloft (sertraline), which is an antidepressant, i take it to fix my obsessive compulsive disorders (OCD) and also my bad mood/sadness. Since I take this drug i feel much more happy about life and i no more think about suicide everyday xD. Antidepressant, unlike the anxiolytic etc makes you "faster", happy and so far i don't play worst at quake with it :).

Remember the old thread i made years ago "MY LIFE IS CRAP" ? Now it's from the past. Finally after all these years of pain and sadness i'm slowly but surely DIABOTICAL... OOPS, i mean REBORN :D.

I also used to think that mental illness was all bullshit and that psychiatrist were just conspirationist and that their goal was just to "control" you with drugs. But i was wrong, i learned over the years that they are really there to help you have a better life, if you suffer from mental illness, just trust in them, they know what they are doing, they don't do 12 years of studying for nothing, they trully know everything about mental illnesses. And about the meds, they are NOT like drugs, there are actually a wide variety of meds that can fix specifically this or that symptom you have, so if one day you meet a psychiatrist and he suggest you to take this or that med, don't be afraid, it's NOT like heroin/meth/weed/alcohol, actually it can really help you :)

Are there other people at ESR that suffer from mental illnesses like me and want to share their experience with us ? :D

TL;DR xanax is good to fix anxiety but bad for playing quake. And life is WORTH it :)