Sometimes it really suck.

Just played two matches, played fairly good, starts to lag--> i get pissed-->i play worse-->i loose .. Second match, easier opponent, i go in with bad spirit thinking i will win.. Does not lag this time (i made sure).. My brother comes into my room, starts walking around, i tell him to leave (might have been a bit rude, but its my room), we start to fight, i say some evil shit, and so does he, he walks away.. I cant focus on my game, to many feelings, i lose again. .. Grrr

Now. I dont really care if i lose or not as long as i play my best, but when stuff like this happens i get so mad. I got school early tomorrow, cant sleep... I wonder, what would help to remove these feelings? I just ignore my feelings now.. I feel i can do fine without them (the bad ones), but they seem to pop up.. I feel like im bound to go crazy someday.. Its just in the lines of how i think, i might think to much, about everything.. Maybe i am crazy compared to others already, or maybe im just the only one admiting it. Think i need to read some science shit to calm down, look at the big picture.

Il just keep on living my life as best as i can. Acctually im not even gonna bother doing that. Il just keep on thinking about everything.. But my head hurts :(

You know the feeling where you just sit there, listen to whatever music you like, and you just realise for a split second that nothing has any meaning at all, that everything and nothing does not really mean anything? You just sit there thinking, wtf.