My search for nothingness is a faltering path indeed. The problem is that I still think there is something to find. Better, the problem is that I still think there is something to compare against itself.

Why am I seeking? A better question than I thought. The best answer I could come up with is that I search for truth. More and more I discover the illusions I created for myself, but reminders are not enough. Insatiable hunger to understand, but flawed thoughts in practice. I would see myself a leader of men when I am more blind than they.

Mere knowledge: The "empirical self that observes itself" cannot be destroyed as easily as we created it, simply because we've been fooled.

Perhaps as we grew we set up a judge for ourselves: an administrator. That in us which could attempt commands at the self - restrain us in our actions and behavior - so that never again my we err in our ways. The mistakes which molded that which we decided we were. How naive and fearful we can be.

Egos will not be defeated. To think you are capable of such is to remain under its spell. It will simply vanish when you are self-aware. There is indeed a difference between self-awareness and self-consciousness.

But this was not enough. All I know now is that I've forgotten what it is I sought all this time, and that this is a step in the right direction. There is a great illusion there, and the truth lies in the mirror. Never before this journal did I have any idea what this mirror was or what he meant by it.



"The three faults:
1. The invention of an empirical self that observes itself
2. Viewing one's thought as a kind of object or possession, situating it in a seperate, isolated 'part of itself' -- 'I have' a mind.
3. The striving to wipe the mirror.

This clinging and possessive ego-consciousness, seeking to affirm itself in 'liberation,' craftily tries to outwit reality by rejecting the thoughts it 'possesses' and emptying the mirror of the mind, which it also 'possesses' -- emptiness itself is regarded as a possession and an 'attainment.'

There is no enlightenment to be attained and no subject to attain it." - Bruce Lee

Perhaps not as profound to others as to myself. I felt the need to reproduce it here, if only for my own ends.