It is time to address one of the fundamental ontological, epistemological, and existential problems of our time¹. Namely, and thusly, and, hence, thus namely (again!):

yle="font-size:13px; font-weight:bold; letter-spacing:2px;">How much fun is a barrel of monkeys?
You will need:

• one monkey


• one barrel


• a measured amount of water

From the Greek axiom as stated in Socrates early writings: "Time flys when you're having fun!" We derive this forumla:

T - T_p = F

That is, time minus perceived time equals fun (in seconds lost). So the first part of the experiment simplu involves playing with your monkey for an hour actual time (use an alarm clock) and compare it to your perceived time. Calculate fun for one monkey.

The second part is a little bit sad as you will have to drown your monkey in the measured amount of water to find its volume. Nevertheless, that is what monkeys are there for: To be used in mindless experiments and to try our skin creams.

Now when the monkey company delivers your barrel of monkeys find the volume of the barrel.

{insert actual math here}

Then divide the volume of the barrel by the volume of the monkey (v_b / v_m) and multiply the result by the fun of one monkey (monkeys * fun).

That is how much fun your barrel of monkeys is.

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1. And any other pseudo-intellectual buzzwords used by political-science major drop-outs (Dialetic! Semiotics! Oh my sides, Ed.).